He has stolen a
cow, and so we have milk for our coffee; but there is only a
handful of coffee left, and little hope of more. Marauding bands
of Spaniards are everywhere, and the country people tell atrocious
tales about them. How will it end? How long before they will
discover us and the worst will happen?
Soon after our arrival Esteban went to the camp of Colonel Lopez
to arrange for us to join his army, but returned heart-broken. It
was impossible, it seems, on my account. Conditions with the
patriots are worse than with us here, and the colonel acknowledged
frankly that he could not be burdened with a woman in his command.
So Esteban has given up for the present his dream of fighting, and
devotes himself to protecting me. You see there is no sanctuary,
no help but his right arm. The towns are in Spanish hands, the
manigua is infested with lawless men, and there is no place in
which to hide me. So I feel myself a burden. Esteban has plans to
arm a band of his own. I am numb with dread of what it may lead
to, for his hatred is centered upon Cueto, that false servant
whose wickedness reduced us to this extremity. Esteban is so young
and reckless. If only you were here to counsel him.
If only you were here--Oh, my dearest Juan! If only you were here-
-to take me in your arms and banish this ever constant terror at
my heart.
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