But, Lord! It scared me even worse to go into
battle. I was blind with fright all the time and I never got over
it. Why, the sight of a gun gives me a chill, and I jump every
time one goes off. God! how I've suffered! I went crazy at our
first engagement--crazy with fear. I didn't know where I was, or
what happened, or anything. Afterward, when they hailed me as a
hero, I thought they were kidding, that everybody must know how
frightened I was. After a time I saw that I'd fooled them, and
that shamed me. Then--I had to keep it up or become ridiculous.
But it nearly killed me."
"If you're speaking the truth, I'm not sure you're such a coward
as you make out," Norine said.
"Oh yes, I am. Wait! Before I knew it I had a reputation. Then I
had to live up to it." The speaker groaned. "It wasn't so bad as
long as I felt sure I was going to die, anyhow, but when I
discovered I was getting well--" Branch raised a pair of tragic
eyes, his tone changed. "I'll tell you what cured me. I SCARED
myself well! Those bugs in my lungs died from suffocation, for I
never breathed as long as there was a Spaniard in the same county
with me. One day I found that I couldn't cough if I tried. I got
strong. I slept well. And EAT? Huh! I gobbled my share of food and
whined for more. I stole what belonged to the others. I began to
enjoy myself--to have fun.
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