Accepted it. I'd have rejoiced. God knows we had been
closer than brothers, those years in the Dry-towns. And then, before
Miellyn's flashing eyes, I suddenly faced my secret hate, my secret
fear. No, the quarrel had not been all Rakhal's doing.
He had not turned his back, unexplained on Terra. In some unrecognized
fashion, I had done my best to drive him away. And when he had gone, I
had banished a part of myself as well, and thought I could end the
struggle by saying it didn't exist. And now, facing what I had done to
all of us, I knew that my revenge--so long sought, so dearly
cherished--must be abandoned.
"We still have to deal with the bird," I said. "It's a gamble, with all
the cards wild." I could dismantle it, and trust to luck that Wolf
illogic didn't include a tamper mechanism. But that didn't seem worth
the risk.
"First I've got to _find_ Rakhal. If I set the bird free and it killed
him, it wouldn't settle anything." For I could not kill Rakhal. Not,
now, because I knew life would be a worse punishment than death.
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