I will, for that sum, cheerfully abuse my own father or mother. I
can smash Shakspeare; I can prove Milton to be a driveller, or the
contrary: but, for preference, take, as I have said, the abusive line.
Send me over then, Mr. P., any person's works whose sacrifice you may
require. I will cut him up, sir; I will flay him--flagellate him--finish
him! You had better not send me (unless you have a private grudge against
the authors, when I am of course at your service)--you had better not send
me any works of real merit; for I am infallibly prepared to show that there
is not any merit in them. I have not been one of the great unread for
forty-three years, without turning my misfortunes to some account. Sir, I
know how to make use of my adversity. I have been accused, and rightfully
too, of swindling, forgery, and slander. I have been many times kicked down
stairs. I am totally deficient in personal courage; but, though I can't
fight, I can rail, ay, and well. Send me somebody's works, and you'll see
how I will treat them.
Will you have personal scandal? I am your man. I will swear away the
character, not only of an author, but of his whole family--the female
members of it especially.
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