To which it came first, I shall not tell you. The results are
before you: which part is John's, which mine, you will never learn from
us. It will be of no avail for you to write to the editors, for they
don't know either, and will not be told. It will be a useful exercise
for you to dissect the article, and set apart the masculine from the
feminine portions. The critics will for once be quite at a loss how to
abuse it, probably. I foresee a general distraction in the minds of our
readers, and already hear ourselves classed as among one of the trials
which I select as the title of 'Our Article.'
SOME OF THE AGGRAVATIONS OF LIVING.
Two thirds of life in the aggregate are made up of aggravations. They
begin with our beginning, and only cease with our ending; perhaps, if
good Calvinists speak the truth, not even then, for, according to their
belief, the souls in torment look always upon the blessed in heaven, and
this surely is the most horrible species of aggravation ever devised by
man or fiend.
From the time when the air first fills the lungs and the infant screams
at the new sensation, to the day when fingers press down the resisting
lids and straighten the stiffening limbs, we are forced to meet and to
bear all manner of aggravations in nine tenths of our daily life.
Has it ever occurred to any of you what an amount of unnecessary
suffering an infant endures, and have you ever watched the operations it
undergoes daily, with reference to the confirming of this fact? If not,
an inexhaustible field of inquiry lies open before you, and after a
week's observation of bandages rolled till the flesh actually
squeaks--of pins stuck in and left, where you know they will prick--of
smotherings in blankets and garrotings with bibs--of trottings for the
wind and poundings for the stomach ache--of wakings up to show to
visitors, and puttings to sleep when sleep is at the other end of the
land of Nod, and will not be induced to come under any circumstances--of
rockings and tossings--of boiling catnip tea and smooth horrible castor
oil poured down the unsuspecting throat--after a week of such
observations, I say, you will decide with me that the baby's life is
only a series of aggravations, and feel astonished the bills of infant
mortality do not double and treble.
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