I feel happy when sitting at her bedside; I regain
courage when I think that I am useful to her, and I feel a kind of joy
in finding that my heart is not occupied by one sentiment to the
exclusion of all others.
CASTLE OF OPOLE, Thursday, _June 18th._
The princess has entirely recovered, and we have been three days at
Opole. I was sorry to leave Janowiec, for all around me bore the impress
of his presence. In his last letter, he announces a very sad piece of
news: he is forced to pass two months in his duchy of Courland. He will
endeavor to see me before he goes; but will he succeed? Two months! how
many centuries, when one must wait!
We have had several visitors from Warsaw; among others, Adam Krasinski,
Bishop of Kamieniec; he is in every way estimable, and universally
esteemed! All speak of the change in the prince royal: he is pale and
sad, and flies the world. The king himself is uneasy concerning his son,
and it is I who am the cause of all this woe. Is love then a
never-ending source of sorrow? He suffers for me, and his suffering is
my most cruel torment.... They say too that I am changed, and believe me
ill: the good princess attributes my pallor to the nights I have watched
by her side. Her manifestations of interest pierce my heart! When shall
I be at peace with my conscience?
Saturday, _July 11th._
Like a flash of lightning has a single ray of happiness shone out and
then disappeared.
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