Especially do I fear the women
of my acquaintance; they are not indulgent, because they are never
disinterested; they are no better pleased with another woman's good
fortune than they are with her beauty and agreeability....
Even yesterday, with what cruelty Madame ----, but I will not write her
name--questioned me! She enjoyed my confusion; I was almost ready to
weep, and she was delighted. In the presence of fifty persons, she
revenged herself for what is called _my triumph_, but what I consider
the most _sacred happiness_. Ah! how deeply she wounded me! I almost
hate her.... This feeling alone was wanting to complete the torment of
my soul. The prince palatine took pity on me, and came to my aid; may
God reward him! In every difficult crisis he is always near with his
active and powerful friendship. He would be quite perfect, if he only
understood me a little better; but when I weep and show my sorrow, he
laughs and calls me a child.... I cannot tell him everything.
Thursday, _October 1st._
He has come, and I have seen him; he is quite well, and yet I am not
happy. I saw him amid a crowd of indifferent people; and when my
feelings impelled me to run and meet him in the palace court, I was
forced to remain by my work table and wait until he came into the
saloon, when he of course first saluted the princess, and my only
consolation consisted in being able to make him a formal and icy
reverence.
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